Written on my skin

I have a tattoo.

I love and adore every facet it:

- the symbolism

- the script

- the reminder

- the placement

- the conversation starter

Some people don't feel the same.

When I first became a consultant I wore lots of bracelets and watches to cover it up.  I was worried members would not take me seriously because an international officer once demanded to know why I had marked my body forever.  She didn't agree with my choice so I was self-conscious.  

This has changed.

During one of my first visits, some of the women asked me about it so I explained it to them.  No big deal.  This happens all the time.  Except this time a woman came up to tell me how our experiences are similar.  She opened up to me and I became less self-conscious.  This has happened time after time during my visits, and I'm grateful for this reminder engrained in my skin. More importantly, I'm grateful I have this to start the conversation. Forever. 

I have a tattoo and April marks a four year anniversary for me.  It has been four years since my last suicide attempt.  Second semester of my first-year of college had some dark moments.  I wasn't always the happy-go-lucky-friends-with-everyone-in-the-world-Grace... even though it may have appeared that way.

Now for those of you who have never asked me about my tattoo, this is how my anniversary and my tattoo walk hand in hand in life: 

- This tattoo reminds me to slow down and notice others around me.  I've had two best friends and two sisters who were suicidal.  In some cases I didn't notice.  The script of my tattoo is the handwriting of one of these best friends. They are all still alive so don't worry.

- It also serves as a reminder to take time for myself because I have been to that brink and back.  It's a scary place and somewhere I never wish to be again.  Now I'm not saying I have never had suicidal thoughts since then but the attempts have stopped.  

- The placement of my tattoo is intentional as well.  This is the place I used to write reminders to myself so they could not be washed away with a swish of water and soap.  

This reminder will forever be written on my skin.  I don't feel self-conscious because suicide and mental health issues shouldn't be hidden by bracelets and watches.  They should be talked about and I shouldn't feel ashamed for trying to find a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  

These are real issues that people struggle with on a daily basis.

So I'm open to starting the conversation and starting the change.