Let's just be honest...

...Let's just be real.

I know it's cliche to quote a song but I don't care because chances of anyone reading this post is slim to none.

Our automatic response to the question, "How are you?" is "Good" or some variant.

What if we lived in a culture where we could be vulnerable?

I wouldn't answer with "Good" or "Doing well" or "Living the dream" or whatever else pops into my head.  I would answer more honestly.  I would say something like, "You know, I'm actually not doing too great right now.  My sister is moving to Atlanta in a few months, and I don't have any friends that I can fall back on in her absence.  I have my girlfriend but no real friends that I see or talk to on a consistent basis.  I kinda feel like my world is falling apart around me."

I have no clue how anyone would respond to my answer but it would be the truth.  The truth hurts and that's why we keep it inside when we are exchanging pleasantries.  I wish it wasn't that way.


Just some thoughts that have been going through my head recently.

Home is where the Heart is

If this saying is true then my heart no longer belongs to me and my home is strewn across the United States and Canada with all the chapters I have visited over the past year.

I am very lucky to have been chosen to serve my organization in this position and even more lucky to met wonderful, influential people along the way.  This position has forever molded me and changed me.  It has pushed me to the limits and made me really think about the person I would like to become in this world.

That's 31 different universities or college in 9 very short, memorable months. 

Written on my skin

I have a tattoo.

I love and adore every facet it:

- the symbolism

- the script

- the reminder

- the placement

- the conversation starter

Some people don't feel the same.

When I first became a consultant I wore lots of bracelets and watches to cover it up.  I was worried members would not take me seriously because an international officer once demanded to know why I had marked my body forever.  She didn't agree with my choice so I was self-conscious.  

This has changed.

During one of my first visits, some of the women asked me about it so I explained it to them.  No big deal.  This happens all the time.  Except this time a woman came up to tell me how our experiences are similar.  She opened up to me and I became less self-conscious.  This has happened time after time during my visits, and I'm grateful for this reminder engrained in my skin. More importantly, I'm grateful I have this to start the conversation. Forever. 

I have a tattoo and April marks a four year anniversary for me.  It has been four years since my last suicide attempt.  Second semester of my first-year of college had some dark moments.  I wasn't always the happy-go-lucky-friends-with-everyone-in-the-world-Grace... even though it may have appeared that way.

Now for those of you who have never asked me about my tattoo, this is how my anniversary and my tattoo walk hand in hand in life: 

- This tattoo reminds me to slow down and notice others around me.  I've had two best friends and two sisters who were suicidal.  In some cases I didn't notice.  The script of my tattoo is the handwriting of one of these best friends. They are all still alive so don't worry.

- It also serves as a reminder to take time for myself because I have been to that brink and back.  It's a scary place and somewhere I never wish to be again.  Now I'm not saying I have never had suicidal thoughts since then but the attempts have stopped.  

- The placement of my tattoo is intentional as well.  This is the place I used to write reminders to myself so they could not be washed away with a swish of water and soap.  

This reminder will forever be written on my skin.  I don't feel self-conscious because suicide and mental health issues shouldn't be hidden by bracelets and watches.  They should be talked about and I shouldn't feel ashamed for trying to find a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  

These are real issues that people struggle with on a daily basis.

So I'm open to starting the conversation and starting the change.  

Lessons of the road

...and a cheesy quote to add flair.

Spring Break is finished for this LC and I could not have been more thankful for the time to spend with my family and friends in the wonderful, beautiful KCMO.  This was also such a powerful time to reflect on the past months in this job and how I've changed and developed as a result.  There have been so many things I am glad I was able to learn while serving this organization. Here's just a few:

I used to romantize this organization and believe there were no imperfections; this of course is not true and while this was hard to swallow at first it also gave me a passion to help improve this organization.

My answer to the question, "Why did you want to be a Leadership Consultant?" has changed a lot during my year of travel and right now my go to answer is something like this:  Because I love Alpha Delta Pi.  I believe in the mission we all share.  I firmly believe that Alpha Delta Pi has the power to change women for the better and I enjoy being part of that journey.  I think that sometimes our Alumnae forget who this organization is all about, and I am so lucky to be able to work in the trenches with these women on chapter issues.  That's something I always want to remember: Alpha Delta Pi was put in place to enrich the lives of collegiate women and to add to their college experiences.  

I have been very blessed with strong female leaders in my life and it can be discouraging for me when I'm not surrounded by fellow strong female leaders.

This job has taught me how to be sure of myself in all situations.  Self-esteem and body image are still things I struggle with at times (what women doesn't?) but I have learned to be sure of myself and my body because those have been my only true constants in this job.  

Sometimes this job sucks, just plain sucks, and it is not as glamorous as one would think from the outside looking in.  Sure all the consultants seem put together and ready to take on the world when viewed on social media, but I know for sure that this job is not always that way.  To steal a quote from Mindy Kaling, "Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched."  This is a great skill to have in life.  

One of the hardest parts of this job is finding a place in a chapter's sisterhood and true friendship bonds with women and then leaving the next day.  I've cried multiple times leaving a chapter.  

One of the coolest parts of this job is knowing that every visit has an expiration date.  This is the silver lining when a visit has proved to be difficult emotionally, physically, and mentally. 

I have learned to meet a chapter where they are.  Not every chapter is a Golden Lion Chapter (top award in ADPi land) or even a Diamond 4-Point Chapter (base award in ADPi land).  This took far too long for me to learn but once I learned this and put it into play for my chapters I learned how to help them get to the next step. Even if that next step is just turning in paperwork on time.

This detailed orientated gal has adopted a new outlook of the bigger picture and understanding that the minor details sometimes won't matter in the long run.  There are bigger fish to fry in the consulting world.  

Life is so much more enjoyable when you are true to yourself (even if you're a little weird).  For a while in this job I was trying to live up to what I thought an LC was and be what I thought others expected me to be during chapter visits.  However, I found that I don't function well like the image I've conjured in my head.  That's okay.  I found it's more than okay for me to be me and to be a servant leader at my visits.  Multiple times collegians and advisors have told me I'm a "different" consultant, and I still don't know if that's been a good or bad thing.  

While I am genuinely sad to leave this job, I am ready for the next adventure and to serve Alpha Delta Pi somewhere else.  

March Schedule

Alpha Epsilon Chapter at University of Nebraska-Lincoln

Epsilon Mu Chapter at University of Northern Iowa

Theta Xi Chapter at University of Central Oklahoma

Return visit to Eta Kappa Chapter at California State University- San Bernardino

Epsilon Nu Chapter at Ashland University

Upsilon Chapter at Washinton State University

With so much time spent in the Midwest this is sure to be a great month!  

February Schedule

Start off the month finishing up at District Leadership Conference VI in California

Head to Beta Phi Chapter to meet fellow consultant, Lauren, at University of Maryland

Ole Miss Installation over Valentine's Day

Visit Chicago for the first time with Theta Mu Chapter at Loyola University- Chicago

Finally, visit University of Nebraska- Lincoln, Alpha Epsilon Chapter, to round out my month in the great midwest!

January Schedule

Well the 2013-2014 Leadership Consultants have officially hit the road again!  I have already spent almost a week in New Orleans at Tulane University working with the newly reinstalled Epsilon Chapter!  Here's my schedule for the rest of January:

Epsilon Chapter at Tulane University in New Orleans

Eta Beta Chapter at Allegheny College in Meadville, Pennslyvania

Back to Epsilson Chapter

Chi Chapter at Wittenberg University in Springfield, OH

Executive Office in Atlanta, Georgia for some additional training before District Leadership Conferences!

District VI District Leadership Conference in Garden Grove, CA